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Second Coming and Going

Christ returns - decides not to stay

Jesus appears to woman "while in the neighborhood". Says he'll try to stay longer next time

Christ returns - for a while Jesus Christ has returned to Earth. But instead of heralding the Apocalypse, it turned out to be just a brief visit by the Messiah, who said he was "a bit pushed for time".

Christ appeared unexpectedly in the home of 74 year-old Apocrypha Cartwright, an ex-nun and bingo caller living in Duluth.

Cartwright, who has previously been visited by the Virgin Mary, Gandhi, Elvis and Oprah [check that last one, it might be true - ed], said that she was taken by surprise when she found Jesus in her utility room.

"I was just going to put some of my husband's shorts in to soak, because they've got some of those difficult stains, and there He was, standing by the tumbledryer," she quivered. "At first I thought He might be cleaning His robes, but then I could see they were all sort of glowing and ethereal and that sort of thing really needs hand washing."

The Messiah then explained that he was only "popping by".

"I asked Him if He was going to scourge the wicked and cast them into the bottomless pit and bring forth locusts with hair of women and teeth of lions and bring about God's kingdom on Earth," said Cartwright. "But He told me it wasn't really an official visit."

Unsure what she should do, lest she be judged, Cartwright offered the Messiah a cup of tea, which he gladly accepted. "I asked Him if He wanted herbal but He just wrinkled His nose. He also asked if I had any vodka to put in it, which I thought was strange. But I'd drunk the last of it that morning."

Although disappointed that Christ had not come to punish evildoers, the old woman confessed that it was also a bit of a relief. "I was a bit worried I was going to be cast into the great winepress of the wrath of God," she said. "And I still had my curlers in. Hopefully, we'll get a bit more warning when the Apocalypse really happens."

Although his visit was brief, Cartwright says Christ left a message for the world.

"He said to say He was really sorry he couldn't stay," said Cartwright, "but He was literally in the neighborhood and thought He'd drop in to see how we're getting along. He said He'd try to stay longer next time."


Tags: Jesus Christ second-coming end-times religion faith belief supernatural Christianity

Comments (2)

Posts: 2
Re: Christ returns - decides not to stay
Reply #2 on : Fri June 13, 2008, 05:31:58
oh my gosh!!~ my close friend Jesus (old college friends) appeared in my living room. it somehow never occured to me that my old friend was the Messiah, but there he was!! in toga-like robe, halo and all. i offered him a drink (he went through an entire keg of BudLite, and had a cheese-doodle chaser((he must be addicted or something, i heard he did the same thing to some nice lady named kaitlin))) and now, that little twerp owes me $6.79!! after that, i was sure it wasn't the Messiah, but then he floated up into the sky and disappeared, so i know it was him!!!!
praise god!!
Posts: 2
Reply #1 on : Thu June 12, 2008, 08:44:12
wow, i can't believe it! the exact same thing happened to me only a week ago. He stayed a bit longer. i practically forced him to leave. he was eating all my cheese doodles!! I mean really, couldnt he just make them appear? well, atleast he disappeared thats all i care about. He did say when he left that I'll be sorry that I was ever mean to him, but I'm not worried. What's he gonna do? tell god?