War declared on Moon
NASA's highly successful bombing of the Moon - in which there were no civilian casualities - has led to the US Air Force declaring it will carry out all future Moon attack missions.
"This could be a big win-win for us," said one Pentagon insider who has no name. "As far as I'm aware, there are no wedding parties on the Moon. And one bit of it is pretty much like another, so it doesn't matter what you hit. In my book, that amounts to 100% accuracy."
The NASA attack, which went under the cover name of Lunar CRater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), resulted in a huge crater approximately 238,857 miles (384,403km) from the nearest population center. The space agency claimed this was a scientific mission. However, NASA later admitted that there was never any plan to avoid impact and that it deliberately smashed the spacecraft into the lunar surface.
And while scientists at NASA claim they are using data from the impact to learn more about the Moon, including the possible presence of water, pictures released by the agency show little more than small dots.
"Hell, we can give 'em pictures like those," said General Chuck Sway, USAF (retd). "And if you want stuff bombing, who better than the Air Force?"
With the US getting out of Iraq, it’s running out of places to bomb, he explained.
"We wimped out of bombing Iran," said Sway. "And we gotta bomb somewhere, otherwise what's the point of having an Air Force? So I say, let's go for it. Hell, the place is covered in craters anyway - who the hell's gonna notice? And there's nobody there to protest."