Atomic Car Found on Moon!!
An unmanned Russian lunar rover, missing for the past 40 years, has turned up on the Moon - and now we know why it disappeared. It was stolen by aliens.
"It's a problem NASA never talks about," said William H Carpenter, head of the Carpenter Foundation for Galactic Law Enforcement. "People imagine the biggest problems with aliens are abduction and the possibility of interstallar war. But on a day-to-day basis, the real issue is petty theft."
The Soviet-era Lunokhod 1 rover landed on the Moon in 1970. For nearly a year it bumbled about the Mare Imbrium, thanks to its Polonium-210 atomic power pack, sending back information to its Communist masters. Then it disappeared.
Now NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) which is circling the Moon taking snaps of the surface, has found the missing vehicle.
NASA has released fuzzy images it says are the Soviet rover. But inside sources say they have much higher resolution images that are being kept secret.
"The reason is simple," says Carpenter. "The pictures show evidence that the Lunokhod has been adapted for use by aliens. According to my sources, small seats have been added, and the whole vehicle has been given a custom paint job featuring strange symbols."
NASA has so far refused to comment on the rumors. However, it's well known within space circles that theft is a serious problem for rovers and other planetary exploration vehicles. The US, Russia and the UK have all had missions end abruptly when their satellites, probes and buggies have inexplicably vanished - most notably on Mars missions.
Now it seems that the problem started 40 years ago and much closer to home.
Not everyone within the US space agency accepts the theft theory, though.
"I find it hard to believe," said one NASA scientist. "Why would aliens steal some Russki POS like the Lunokhod when, around the same time, our boys on the Apollo 14 and 15 missions were blasting around the lunar surface in American hot rods? I mean, have you seen the Lunokhod?"
Some scientists likened the Lunokhod 1 and its lander craft (right) to a 'flying dustbin'. But Carpenter thinks the aliens may have made a smart choice.
"Aside from the fact that it was unmanned, so the aliens didn't have to bother with abducting anyone, the Lunokhod was actually pretty robust," he said. "And that's what you want when you're driving around the hostile, unforgiving surface of the Moon. The American lunar rovers were much sleeker and better equipped. But you just know that, one week past the warranty period, they'd have broken down."
ET cattle drive!!
Out in the uncharted wilds of New Mexico, mysterious alien beings are rustling cattle. Not content with mutilating the occasional cow, the extraterrestrial bandits have started stealing livestock wholesale.
One farmer has lost nearly a third of his herd and others report scores of missing animals.
"It always happens at night," said one farmer. "Or, you know, when we're not around to see it happen."
Another, who described himself as "devastated" and "still waiting for the insurance check", said: "They used to just take the parts they needed. It was annoying, but we could live with that. Now the little green sons o' bitches are taking the whole damn thing! And not just one cow, but dozens of 'em."
However, some scientists view this as a breakthrough in our understanding of these interstellar visitors.
"We always assumed that they were taking cow parts for analysis," says William H Carpenter, founder of the Carpenter Faith Foundation for Extraterrestrial Science. "The parts of the body they used to concentrate on suggested they were especially interested in reproductive issues. But now a different picture is emerging."
Carpenter believes the days of experimenting are over. "You'll notice," he says, "that human abductees are always returned unharmed. Probed, but unharmed. But these cows aren't coming back."
His conclusion is startling.
"They're eating them," he says. "I've always maintained that alien visits to this planet are connected with their search for resources. Perhaps their own planet is in ruins. Now they've located a new source of food."
So what does it tell us about aliens?
"They like burgers," says Carpenter. "And maybe they're partial to barbeques. But who isn't?"
And the revelations don't end there. In his 2009 book, Moment of Destiny: How the Promised Land will come to us, Carpenter claimed that aliens have been walking among us for years. In fact, he says, the human race - at least, certain influential and gifted members of it - are descended from extraterrestrials. These new developments prove his hypothesis, he says.
"They are so like us. The amount of beef they seem to be consuming, and the fact that they're stealing it, means they've learned to fit in with human society. They have become indistinguishable from ordinary Americans."
Our response to this turn of events should be gratitude, says Carpenter.
"After all their abductions and experiments, they seem to have made their choice," he says. "And we should be glad that their taste runs to beef - not humans."
UFO Drunk Drivers
Hopped-up Reptilians and pie-eyed Grays are wreaking havoc in our skies, crop fields and cattle herds, says UFO expert Dr William H Carpenter.
Drinking and substance abuse are now rampant among visiting extraterrestrials, he claims, especially among the younger space travelers.
Carpenter heads the Carpenter Foundation which publishes books and DVDs on UFOs, alien abductions, cattle mutilations, and paranormal phenomena and also provides rehab facilities for celebrities.
He points to several recent examples of attempts at crop circles that have gone horribly wrong, botched abductions and erratic flying during the day with lights on, in plain view of humans with video cameras.
"This bears all the hallmarks of juvenile behavior," said Carpenter. "Worse, it's typical of youths high on drugs or alcohol. And my fear is that it's all our fault."
Sixty years of contact with humans may have resulted in some of our worst traits rubbing off on the celestial visitors, Carpenter believes. "It looks as though our own degradation has let to a fall in personal and professional standards on the part of our extraterrestrial guests," he said. "Youngsters are very vulnerable to such corruption and there's no reason to assume aliens are any different."
It's essential we make contact with the UFO drivers, says Carpenter. "Not only do we need to extend the hand of peace, to learn what we can from these advanced civilizations, to explore the infinite wonder of creation and expand our consciousness through the insights they can provide into the mysteries of the universe, we also have to make them understand they they need to obey our laws and act in an adult and responsible manner."
But enforcing our rules on the intergalactic teens could be a tough job, he admits, especially when it comes to drinking. "Alas, even if we could meet them face-to-face," said Carpenter, "there would be no way of telling if they were under-age."
President George W Bush and John McCain are one and the same - a shapeshifting lizard alien from the Zeta Reticuli star system.
The revelations come from an insider from Bush's own staff. Speaking on condition of anonymity, Mr X said he could no longer stand the horrific sights to which he was subject as the alien being shifted from one hideous form to another.
"There's a lot of credibility to these accusations, as the two 'men' are rarely seen in the same place," said one Washington insider. "And when they are, I'm told that the 'Bush' is actually one of the many doubles the President uses for less-important speaking engagements."
Others inside the Beltway have long suspected that the President might be from another planet. According to one Congressman, the Bush-McCain creature's extraterrestrial origins were betrayed in a number of ways.
"The first clue that Bush was an alien was his trouble with even simple English phrases," he said. "According to briefings I've received from the CIA and NASA, language is an alien's weak point. And McCain has similar problems. Sometimes you think he's just not going to get to the end of the sentence."
There is also Bush's bizarre empathy with 'illegal aliens' - with proposed amnesties, citizenship programs and guest worker schemes. "You and I know that 'illegal alien' means Mexican," said the Congressman, "but Bush gets easily confused."
Political experts say that Bush is just morphing his form to get around the two-term limit imposed by the 22nd Amendment. "He hasn't finished with the country yet," said Mr X. "This way, he gets to continue the same policies while convincing people he stands for something new."
The Congressman added: "It's possible that all the neocons - not just Bush-McCain - are shape-shifting lizards and that there aren't nearly so many of them as people think."
ETs in Hollywood
The summer blockbuster movie The X-Files: I Want to Believe was made using real aliens, says the Weekly World Inquisitor's own UFO reporter, Dick Kennedy.
Kennedy was an extra on the movie and claims he saw the aliens being kept in special trailers on a secure part of the set. The extraterrestrials played themselves in certain scenes of the movie - scenes that Kennedy described as "terrifying" and "bizarre".
During all filming that involved the aliens, the set was closed and heavily guarded by what Kennedy believes to have been genuine FBI agents.
The stars of the movie apparently found working with the extraterrestrials difficult. David Duchovny reportedly refused to go near the aliens' trailers. And Kennedy overheard Gillian Anderson refer to them as "those slimy fucking lizard freaks", though an assistant later claimed she was referring to the movie's backers.
Currently on unpaid leave due to personal problems, Kennedy has had many encounters with strange forces and unexplainable phenomena. "I don't get hysterical about this stuff," he said. "I've had more encounters than Spook Mulder so I know an alien when I see one."
This isn't the first time this has happened. The star of the hit 1970s movie ET was also a real alien, according to insiders.
"Special effects just weren't that good back in those days," said Hollywood cinematographer Frankie Fredericks, who says he was deputy assistant focus puller on the second unit for ET. "Look how badly they faked the moon missions. We could never have made ET if we hadn't had help from ... you know, beyond."
But special effects and CGI are now very sophisticated. "Most people even think the Space Shuttle is real," said Fredericks.
So why did the X-Files film need genuine extraterrestrials?
"I think the reason is far more sinister," says Kennedy. "We have to ask ourselves, who really funds these films? There are groups, operating outside of the state-manipulated media, who believe that alien-themed movies are all part of a covert Government plan."
One such group, believed by some to have been established by the underground hackers network Reptilinet, claims that Independence Day, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, War of the Worlds and the entire X-Files franchise are part of a scheme to test the public's reaction to the idea of an alien invasion. "They also help to prepare people, to brainwash them into accepting aliens into our midst," said one anonymous member. "That's because some of them are already here, operating in certain spheres like banking, movies and politics. If you want to know where Hollywood's money comes from, look to the stars."
A leading Hollywood director failed to deny the group's accusations, but simply characterised the group's members as "idiots".
Investigative reporters are now looking into the possibility that other movies made use of help from beyond our planet. For example, Charlton Heston's appearances in sci-fi classics like Soylent Green and the Planet of the Apes series has called his origins into question. "If he really was from another planet, it would explain his acting style," said one dubious film fan. Some also question whether he really died recently or was simply called back to his mothership.
The late 1970s also saw the launch of the Star Wars franchise. Did that make use of alien technology?
"You'll have to ask George Lucas," said cameraman Fredericks. "Right now I think he's in the Pleiades somewhere."