Alien visitors to planet Earth are boycotting genetically modified (GM) crops, claims a leading scientist.
Buck Uranus, chief astronomer for the William H Carpenter Foundation in Nevada, believes the extraterrestrials are refusing to create crop circles in GM maize, wheat and other cereals because of fears of possible side-effects.
The scientist has conducted a major survey of crop circles created over the past five years and says he has not found a single example left in fields containing GM crops.
"In my spare time, I channel messages from alien beings," said Uranus, "and from what I've been hearing, these guys have got some serious reservations about what we're doing down here. One of them told me he's even thinking of using another planet for his artwork."
According to Uranus, one shape-shifting lizard said: "The long-term effects of these 'frankenstein crops' are just so uncertain. Let's face it, it's not natural. And after the rigours of crossing many light years of space in order to leave some pretty patterns in your fields, we'd rather not take that extra risk."
The visitors from outer space also have fears about contamination of plants on their own worlds, says Uranus. He claims that one Gray told him: "Just imagine — we accidentally pick up a few seeds on our undercarriage and take them home without knowing. They could spread like wildfire then and we'd end up paying Monsanto an annual fee just to grow flooble beans on our own planet. Madness."
Monsanto has not commented on these allegations.