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Monster Movie

Nessie goes to Hollywood

Loch Ness Monster signs deal to appear in next Oliver Stone movie

Nessie at a recent press conference The Loch Ness Monster is set to become Hollywood's latest star. After recent photographs finally proved Nessie's existence, the creature has decided to come out of obscurity and make a living in the real world.

This is believed to be the first time a mythical beast has signed a movie deal, though current rumors about Tom Cruise's celestial origins may mean it's more common than first thought.

Angus McFort, who claims to be the monster's agent, said that they had been in discussions with Jerry Bruckheimer, but that Nessie had pulled out fearing damage to her artistic credibility.

He says they have now inked a deal with Oliver Stone who will feature Nessie in the lead role of his next movie, said to be an off-the-wall and extremely violent remake of 'Black Beauty'.

The reclusive and notoriously camera-shy demon of the deep has never voluntarily appeared on film. She is not known to have any previous acting experience, though McFort said this proved to be an advantage in Hollywood.

"Actors make Hollywood producers nervous," he claimed. "They keep wanting to do stuff like ... you know, act. And few Hollywood blockbusters have any allowance in the budget for that sort of thing."

At a recent loch-side press conference, Nessie said that she hopes people will treat her as a serious artist. However, there have already been rumors about alleged eating disorders and a possible romance with former move star Arnold Schwazenegger.