Limeys lick alien invaders
A warship of England's Royal Navy has shot down a UFO. But already a cover-up has started to suppress reports of the engagement.
The epic battle with alien forces took place in the skies above the Beatles' home town of Liverpool - in broad daylight.
According to press reports, the destroyer, HMS Daring, lived up to its name when it engaged and defeated the extraterrestrial invaders even though the ship was docked!
Yet few newpapers and no TV stations have reported this historic battle. And those reports that have been published online have been toned-down, suggesting that HMS Daring merely 'tracked' or 'followed' the alien craft.
"It was another great victory to add to the long list of battle honors for the Royal Navy," said Rear-Admiral Julian Uppington-Harris, RN (retd). "Outnumbered and outgunned, Daring was still able to see off these upstart aliens. I mean, who do they think they are coming into this country without our permission and without identifying themselves? I bet our Immigration people would have a few things to say about that. And I bet these aliens don't have jobs or qualifications."
Eyewitnesses saw bright lights soaring across the sky. One flabbergasted Liverpudlian said: "They were exactly like flares. But they weren't flares. I haven't seen flares, but flares don't look like that."
Immediately, HMS Daring's weapons zoned in on the invaders.
"It was a bit tricky," said Uppington-Harris who, since retiring from the Navy, has run a new-age boutique in the Speke area of Liverpool, selling crystals, homeopathy, Orgone accumulators and massage services. "Because the British armed forces have run out of money, Daring still doesn't have its radar-guided Phalanx guns. Nor its main weapons, the PAAMS missiles. But I understand that several able-bodied seamen and the Purser were quickly issued rifles and engaged the alien spacecraft."
Certainly, onlookers on shore reported that the bright lights quickly disappeared.
The aliens used advanced 'cloaking' technology making their spacecraft very stealthy. According to spokespeople for the nearby airport, there was no trace of the extraterrestrial craft on radar.
"I want to know why this glorious victory is being hushed-up," said Uppington-Harris. "It's clear to me that reports on the web are being censored and rewritten even as we speak, by dark foces within the Government. Yet, let's face it, Britiain could do with a few more successes. And what could be better? Here's an entirely new species from a distant world and, thanks to the might of the Royal Navy, we've managed to wipe it out. It's like the good old days of the Empire."