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Genetic Monster on Prowl

ChimpMan terrorizes Texas

Top-secret hybrid creature on the rampage in Lone Star State

ChimpMan spotted in TexasGovernments agents have issued a warning that ChimpMan - the half-chimp, half-man result of a super-secret breeding program - is on the loose and rampaging around Texas.

"If spotted, you should make no attempt to approach the critter," said a scientist from the highly classified government laboratory.

"This beast was bred to have no fear and no pity," he added. "In that regard, the experiment was a huge success. Unfortunately, he's also as dumb as a hatful of assholes."

It's understood that this genetic monster may have been released into the wild deliberately.

"He's escaped before," said the scientist. "But we've always got him back within a day or two. Sometimes he came back by himself: not because he was hungry but because he was stupid. He'd just forgotten that he was trying to escape."

Some sources within the top-secret breeding program suggest that this time was different. The program itself was recently shut down after eight years of continual blunders and failures.

"The operation of which he was a part has come to an end," said one anonymous lab assistant, who is now unemployed. "So ChimpMan's usefulness was at an end. And what do you do with a clueless, useless and, frankly, embarrassing screw-up? I guess dumping him in some Texas wasteland seemed like the natural solution."


Tags: ChimpMan government conspiracy genetics

Comments (1)

Kate MacMillan
Posts: 2
new comment
Reply #1 on : Tue February 17, 2009, 02:46:34
I think I saw him! Or maybe it was Bigfoot...