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Messiah Mashed by Monster

Christ killed in dinosaur attack

Jesus wasn't nailed to a cross, he was savaged by a T. Rex according to new evidence from the Holy Land

Jesus and pet dinosaurJesus did not die on the cross - he was killed when his pet dinosaur turned on him, according to new evidence coming from the scientists working in the Holy Land.

Dr Seth Croyant, Chief Scientist with the Biblical Fact Foundation, is leading a team of evangelical archeologists based in Tel Aviv. According to Croyant, the team has uncovered several rock strata not dissimilar to those in other countries in which dinosaur remains have been found.

"And yet," he says, "these are the exact same rocks in which we find ancient tombs not unlike the one in which Christ was buried and from which he arose."

This led Croyant to re-read sections of the Gospels that deal with Christ's death. "Most of them are actually a bit skimpy on details when it comes to the whole crucifixion thing," he says. "And they're inconsistent. It looks to me like there's been some rewriting, perhaps to cover up an embarrassing truth."

Croyant says he will reveal the full details of what's he's discovered in a press conference in July, which is when he will also launch the book, DVD, iPhone app and range of apparel based on his findings. In the meantime, though, he's keen to head off criticism of his new interpretation of biblical history.

"Some other so-called scientists would have you believe that dinosaurs became extinct millions of years before God created humans," he says. "But as the Earth is only 6,000 years old, that means there was no planet for the dinosaurs to roam on, which proves the scientists are wrong. It's simple, really."

The Bible makes frequent references to dinosaurs - or 'behemoths' and 'leviathans' as it prefers to call them. There's evidence that some demons may also have been carnivorous dinosaurs, says Croyant. And some scholars have claimed that early editions of Paul's Epistles contained references to a 'Jesus Horse' which many scholars took to be a T. Rex.

Jesus riding into Jerusalem"We now know this to be an Abelisaurus, or 'Abel's Lizard'," says Croyant. "That's a two-ton, 30-foot carnivore easily capable of killing a man. Maybe that's what killed Jesus, though it could still have been a T. Rex. I definitely think the Jesus Horse is what Christ rode into Jerusalem, and it got changed in the Gospels to a donkey so that it would fit Old Testament prophesies. But then, we all know how unreliable the Old Testament can be." 

Not all scientists agree, however, and the new findings have prompted a furious debate about Christ's relationship with dinosaurs.

"Jesus spread a message of love," says Rodriguez Ignare of the Texas Organization for Scientific Harmony in Houston, "and there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that he had any kind of relationship with anything but vegetarian dinosaurs.

"I think this new evidence has been misinterpreted," he adds, "and that Christ's death was nothing but an unfortunate accident. He was probably crushed when his tame Brontosaurus was just loved him too much."

However, both Croyant and Ignare agree on one issue

"He died for all our sins," says Croyant, "including the sins of dinosaurs."

 

Tags: Jesus Christ history archeology Bible faith religion Christianity

Comments (4)

raju
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Reply #4 on : Tue September 24, 2013, 08:24:58
don't u have any other work? Just believe the Bible and leave the way of sin.
Heroditus
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Reply #3 on : Fri March 15, 2013, 08:43:19
They still haven't revealed the full truth; Jesus was, in fact, himself a dinosaur.
Erika
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Reply #2 on : Wed October 03, 2012, 23:24:30
20/20In hindsight I view thngis lost or given up for the Lord as true blessings. It is true that at times letting go of something (or someone) is what opens you to what God has for you, that otherwise you would have no room for.I prayed continually for the Lord to speak to me, teach me, mature me. It did not begin to happen until I gave up worldly music and stopped watching TV and secular movies which had content unbecomng a Christian.The result was hours of free time in which I persued the Lord through Bible study and prayer. I asked for good Christian books and theological study material, and soon I had hundreds of books from thrift stores and yard sales, which I got for a quarter here, dollar there. I was able to use the time most waste with TV to put several thousand hours study behind me in just a few years.I would urge any who are serious and madly in love with God to just ask Him, and be willing to let go of the world. He will turn your world upside down. I would have it no other way now, and the loss I do consider gain indeed.In godly love brothers and sisters- AMEN
benjamin r. cole
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Reply #1 on : Tue April 17, 2012, 12:29:36
BLASPHEMY!!!!!!h