Final AIDS Solution
Presidential failure Mike Huckabee could sweep to victory on his next attempt at the top job. That's the view of some pundits who see Huckabee riding to power on a wave of fundamentalist fervor.
The right-wing zealot is known for his desire to replace the Constitution with laws based on religious texts, much like the Taleban attempted in Afghanistan, but with a much bigger army to back him up. And in implementing biblical law, Huckabee would be able to solve problems that get his ultra-religious supporters hot under the collar — such as AIDS.
Back in 1992, Huckabee wrote, in answer to questions from the Associated Press:
"If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.
"It is difficult to understand the public policy towards AIDS. It is the first time in the history of civilization in which the carriers of a genuine plague have not been isolated from the general population, and in which this deadly disease for which there is no cure is being treated as a civil rights issue instead of the true health crisis it represents."
One Huckabee supporter is ecstatic about this idea. "See what he's saying?" frothed Seth Smoten, a snake handler from South Carolina. "He's saying it's a plague, like in Egypt, like in the Bible. Or maybe like lepers an' shit. You can't have those people walking around among healthy, god-fearin' folk!"
One junior aide for the Huckabee campaign in Dogsbollox, Tennessee believed that Huckabee was hinting at the idea of special camps where AIDS plague carriers could be concentrated away from valuable medical resources. "We should give them somewhere they can die peacefully and quietly," said the aide, "where they won't bother anyone else. Let's face it, all they really need is a bed and a set of pyjamas."
Mike Huckabee was unavailable for comment.