Astronaut Retires to Crater Condo
Astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the Moon, has gone back there - for good!
According to space expert and militia leader William H Carpenter, the infamously shy Armstrong has retired to a NASA condo in the Sea of Fertility (Mare Fecunditatis).
"I first got suspicious when I realised that no-one has seen Armstrong in years," says Carpenter. "There were reports that he'd retired to a cabin in the hills and had become a virtual recluse. That's nearly right: just replace 'hills' with 'crater' and 'cabin' with 'pressurized life support module'."
For years, NASA has been using International Space Station (ISS) missions, Shuttle disasters and very public complaints about funding cuts to disguise a top secret building program on the Moon.
"I have irrefutable evidence that an inner circle of NASA Illuminati has been engaged in a conspiracy," says Carpenter. "Precisely what this conspiracy is … well, it's hard to say. They're not about to tell people what they're doing, are they?"
Nevertheless, Carpenter claims to have proof that the space agency has constructed a condominium - complete with special low-gravity swimming pools, space saunas and an indoor putting green - inside the Messier A crater.
This is where many of the top NASA big-wigs will retire, Carpenter says. And some of them, including Armstrong, are already there.
"First, they're flown to the ISS on board the Shuttle," explains Carpenter. "But the crew know nothing about it. The NASA Illuminati are carried in a special payload module equipped with oxygen supplies, medical life support systems and comfortable chairs."
This module is docked to a secret and remote section of the ISS that is strictly out of bounds to normal crew members and space tourist visitors. From there, the VIPs are flown to the Moon on board the Shuttle Columbia.
"That Shuttle never did blow up," says Carpenter. "That was just part of the cover story - so that people didn't ask why it hasn't come back. NASA used a B-52 to dump a bunch of debris over Texas. No-one asks too many questions about finding junk in Texas. The crew of Columbia is still up there, too, operating a kind of airline between the ISS and the Moon. And they're being paid a fortune to keep quiet - in Moon Dollars, of course."
Asked why he hasn't made his 'irrefutable evidence' public, Carpenter responded: "There are powerful forces within NASA, government and Hollywood who don't want this information made public. If I revealed the proof I have, my life and the lives of others would be in danger. This is a huge conspiracy that goes way beyond one agency."
Indeed, it's not just NASA executives who will spend their sunset years on the Earth's only natural satellite, he says. Several high-profile space tourists, like ex-Microsoft billionaire Charles Simonyi and Ubuntu founder Mark Shuttleworth, used their trips to the ISS as training for their eventual retirement on the Moon. And it's believed there's a grass-roots petition to send Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Paris Hilton and Gerry Bruckheimer, preferably before they stop working.
Conspiracies in Orbit
The Space Shuttle missions are a fraud perpetrated on the American public as part of a conspiracy by NASA and a shady group of Hollywood moviemakers.
This is the claim of Nevada-based UFO author and militia leader William H Carpenter. In a forthcoming book, Space: the phony frontier, he lays out his evidence for what he calls "history's greatest con-trick". It is, he says, nothing more than a way of funneling tax money to California's super-rich film directors.
Much of Carpenter's evidence depends on an analysis of photographs taken during the alleged space missions.
"For a start," says Carpenter, "the lighting is all wrong. In space, with no atmosphere to reflect light, anything in shadow should be completely black. But you can clearly see details."
He goes on: "Another clear give-away is that there are no birds in any of the launch pictures. Cape Canaveral — or Kennedy Space Center, if you must call it that — is on the coast, so you'd at least expect a few gulls. But nothing." When it was pointed out that some NASA pictures do, in fact, have birds in them, Carpenter's response is a simple, "Photoshop."
Other tell-tale signs, says Carpenter, include:
The craft seen blasting off from the Kennedy Space Center, in orbit around the Earth and landing back on NASA's runways, is actually a model just three feet long, Carpenter claims.
NASA simply does not have the technology to build a real Shuttle, he says. "It's impressive trickery," he says, "but the kind of thing that Hollywood does every day. In fact, NASA is working with a secretive cabal of movie directors to perpetrate this fraud on the American public. That's where all the federal money goes — not to Houston and Florida, but LaLa Land."
He added: "Think about it. We now know for a fact that the so-called Moon missions were faked. The evidence is overwhelming. And without the technology and experience that the Apollo missions were supposed to have given NASA, there's no way they could have developed the Shuttle. It's simple logic."
"I've had these NASA images subjected to scientific analysis by top experts at Kodak, and they concur." The World Inquisitor was able to track down one of Carpenter's sources, who denied that he works for Kodak but admitted that his Melbourne, Florida gift shop does indeed sell Kodak film.
NASA declined to comment. On hearing this, Carpenter commented: "What more proof do you need?"
He concluded: "There is one detail that really clinches it, the fatal mistake NASA made in all this fakery. Take a look at pictures of the Shuttle in orbit. In particular, look closely at the so-called robotic arm. You'll see writing on it, and do you know what it says? It says 'Canada'. Amazing, isn't it? What the hell would Canadians be doing in space?"