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Unintelligent Design

Neocons refuse to evolve

Right-wing cabal, led by 'Monkey Face' Bush, claims religion doesn't allow them to develop with the rest of us

George W 'Monkey Face' Bush A group of powerful politicians, lobbyists, CEOs and PR executives has said its members will not take part in any future evolution of the human species.

A statement, signed by US President George W Bush on behalf  of the group, claims that evolution, "is, in any case, just a theory and we do not feel we are obliged to participate in it".

The group describes itself as a "loose affiliation of like-minded business and political leaders with a profound interest in theologically and spiritually oriented issues". It has also been labelled a "cabal of Neocon fundamentalist nut-jobs" by almost everyone else.

The group may already have put its principles into practice.

A scientist from MIT, who specialises in evolution and genetics, claims there is clear evidence that the families of the group members may have been practising non-evolution for many generations. "Just look at the President," he said in an off-the-record briefing. "Do you really think old 'Monkey Face' George represents progress for the human species? That guy's already a few stages behind the rest of us."

According to this scientist, who has two PhDs and three white coats, George W Bush might actually be a living example of homo sapiens back when the species was only just acquiring the rudiments of language.

"They claim it's their religion that doesn't allow them to take part in evolution," said the scientist, "but have you seen the kind of guys you get in boardrooms and on the Hill? I reckon they're not evolving because they can't find mates except among their own kind. And the only genetic mutations they're getting are bad ones. Ugh!"