Lewis 'Scooter' Libby - notorious criminal and friend of George W Bush - could be on the fast track to sainthood, according to sources within the Republican party.
It's believed that President Bush was upset to discover that he didn't have the guts to pardon the criminal Libby. As a consolation, he has instructed the Vatican to turn his friend and spy fink into Saint Scooter.
An alleged spokesman for the criminal Libby said, "This is great news. We're hoping that sales of statuettes and medals of Saint Scooter will help pay the $250,000 fine that Bush failed to quash."
Libby the criminal will not need to convert to Catholicism, said the spokesman. "That's not the American way. I'm not sure what Scooter's faith is, but that's beside the point - this is a political matter and the separation of church and state means we don't have to worry about that stuff."
The Pope was unavailable for comment. But the spokesman did suggest that they would be willing to negotiate. "Even if they just beatified him, that'd be something," he said. "Then he'd be the Blessed Scooter, which is pretty much what we all think about him, right?"
A White House aide added that an envoy from the Bush regime is also in talks with the British Government about a peerage. "We figure that 'Earl Libby' has a kinda nice ring to it. It'll help him get good service at hotels and restaurants, even though he's a criminal. And if he's hard-up after paying the fine, he could always become a band leader."