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Extremists Kill New President
Right-wing extremists shoot the most powerful man in the world the day after his inauguration
Just one day after taking office, Kalonzo Obama, President of the Lake Naivasha Beekeeping Society, has been assassinated by bandits during what some claim to have been a botched robbery of the Kenyan Imperial Honey Emporium.
Sources in the nation's capital, Nairobi, say that extremist factions within the beekeeping community had vowed they would never allow Obama to become leader of what is viewed as Kenya's leading beekeeping society.
"This election made him the most powerful man in the world of honey," said one anonymous apiculturist. "But certain right-wing groups, some with links to major industrial honey, preserves and condiment corporations, couldn't accept him as their president."
According to the police, a group of burglars were stealing pots of honey and honey-based snacks from the Emporium's gift shop - the Hive House - when they were surprised by Obama, who had remained there overnight having become tired and emotional from his inauguration earlier in the day. The robbers shot Obama dead before making off with their loot.
"It was just a robbery that went wrong," said an official police statement.
But insiders point to militia groups aligned to powerful commercial interests.
"Obama believed in change," said one. "He wanted to give power back to individual beekeepers. He wanted to end the war between rival hives. And he wanted a more responsible approach to the environment - you know, for bees. They weren't going to let that happen. These people are nothing better than terrorists."
There has been a conspiracy to prevent Obama taking office, he added. And what drove the conspiracy was racism.
"Obama was the champion of the European dark bee," said the insider. "But these shady groups want to maintain the supremacy of the Carniolan honey bee. As far as they're concerned, the only good dark bee is a dead dark bee."
Obama, who is believed to be no relation whatsoever to US President Barack Obama (pictured above) was inaugurated as President on the same day his namesake took office in Washington.
No documents found.