“Beyond reason”

The truth about aliens, UFOs, abductions, government conspiracy, corporate conspiracies, the New World Order, angels, ghosts, spooks, earth mysteries, unexplained and paranormal phenomena, and everything extraterrestrial, unusual, bizarre, weird, freaky, mysterious, supernatural or fortean.

Aliens probe us!

Russian probe hijacked by Martians!

Phobos-Grunt was supposed to survey Mars - now aliens are using it to probe us!

Phobos-GruntA Russian spacecraft that was supposed to land on Mars' biggest moon, Phobos, has been taken over by extraterrestrials, said sources close to the space agency Roscosmos.

The 15-tonne Phobos-Grunt probe failed to fire its main engine, ending up in Earth orbit instead of hurtling towards the Red Planet. Yet reliable press reports indicate that, instead of slowing falling towards annihilation in Earth's atmosphere, it is actually increasing altitude.

"In spite of all the speculation, there is clearly only one sane explanation for this," claimed William H Carpenter, chief of the Carpenter Foundation for the Unexplained Truth. "Martians have taken control of the spacecraft and are now using it to probe us."

Without power from an engine, such a rising orbit is impossible. Carpenter believes the required energy is being delivered by an alien craft that has now docked with the crippled Russian vehicle.

"The history of Mars missions is littered with failures for both Russia and the US," said Carpenter. "Russia hasn't had a truly successful Mars mission and many of NASA's attempts have ended in failure. I think the Brits tried and failed, too."

The reason for this is simple, he said. "Martians don't like being probed. Who does?"

Some contact has been made with the Phobos-Grunt spacecraft, but Roscosmos is being cagey about what information has been exchanged. Rumors circulating within the space community suggest that the Russians may have received an unexpected message from the craft which might explain its strange behaviour. 

"It's definitely aliens," said Carpenter, "or maybe the Chinese."


Good Book in Space

NASA finds Bible on Mars!!

Phoenix spots King James Version in Martian soil

Mars - Phoenix image

The picture sent by Phoenix

Mars - Phoenix - crop

The raw image

NASA - Phoenix - enhanced

The enhanced image

The first images beamed back by NASA's Phoenix probe revealed more than the scientists were expecting. Analysis of the first images show a Holy Bible buried in the Martian surface!

"It came as a real shock," said Buck Uranus, the Inquisitor's space correspondent who was at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory when the images came in.

"Normally, when a spacecraft lands, the team call other scientists to invite them to join in the celebrations," he added. "This time, they were calling for a priest." 

Evangelical preacher Pastor Joshua LaVista, whose religious community is based close to NASA's headquarters in Houston, Texas, made a special TV broadcast just moments after the revelations were made public. "I have always said that NASA's true mission was to reveal the glory of God," he said. "It's time we replaced atheist heathens in science labs with those who are faithful to the hidden truths. This is a sign that wherever we go, whatever we seek, we will always find God."

The presence of the Holy Book was noticed only after the images were treated to special digital enhancement.

It was Pastor LaVista's own imaging specialists, on secondment to NASA, who first realised what Phoenix had found. They used special image enhancement tools to repeatedly improve the image until they were satisified that - in the words of one evangelical technician - it, "showed what it should show".


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