The truth about aliens, UFOs, abductions, government conspiracy, corporate conspiracies, the New World Order, angels, ghosts, spooks, earth mysteries, unexplained and paranormal phenomena, and everything extraterrestrial, unusual, bizarre, weird, freaky, mysterious, supernatural or fortean.
Aliens probe us!
Phobos-Grunt was supposed to survey Mars - now aliens are using it to probe us!
A Russian spacecraft that was supposed to land on Mars' biggest moon, Phobos, has been taken over by extraterrestrials, said sources close to the space agency Roscosmos.
The 15-tonne Phobos-Grunt probe failed to fire its main engine, ending up in Earth orbit instead of hurtling towards the Red Planet. Yet reliable press reports indicate that, instead of slowing falling towards annihilation in Earth's atmosphere, it is actually increasing altitude.
"In spite of all the speculation, there is clearly only one sane explanation for this," claimed William H Carpenter, chief of the Carpenter Foundation for the Unexplained Truth. "Martians have taken control of the spacecraft and are now using it to probe us."
Without power from an engine, such a rising orbit is impossible. Carpenter believes the required energy is being delivered by an alien craft that has now docked with the crippled Russian vehicle.
"The history of Mars missions is littered with failures for both Russia and the US," said Carpenter. "Russia hasn't had a truly successful Mars mission and many of NASA's attempts have ended in failure. I think the Brits tried and failed, too."
The reason for this is simple, he said. "Martians don't like being probed. Who does?"
Some contact has been made with the Phobos-Grunt spacecraft, but Roscosmos is being cagey about what information has been exchanged. Rumors circulating within the space community suggest that the Russians may have received an unexpected message from the craft which might explain its strange behaviour.
"It's definitely aliens," said Carpenter, "or maybe the Chinese."
Rolling out the red carpet for ET
New World Order gets ready for visit from extraterrestrial overlords
The United Nations (UN) one-world government is laying out the red carpet for its alien masters, according to insiders within the totalitarian regime.
As the chief organisation of the New World Order, the UN has already established the super-secret Office of Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA).
Now it has appointed a little-known Malaysian 'astrophysicist' - Mazlan Othman - to head the welcoming party. Her role will be confirmed by the top UN Illuminati using a Royal Society conference in Buckingham, England as a cover for their meeting.
"The timing is highly significant," said Professor William H Carpenter, leader of the Carpenter Foundation for Intergalactic Networking. "We know that the Pope - the vicar of the New World Order - has just been to England. It's clear he was making preparations. No doubt he will sneak back unannounced to attend this so-called conference."
Carpenter also points to the current withdrawal of troops from Iraq.
"They're going to be needed at home," he explains. "The UN may be happy about a visit from thousands of extraterrestrials in highly advanced craft with devastating weapons, but most people are going to feel a tad uneasy."
There will be riots, said the Prof. He advises everyone to stay calm, buy guns and make sure you have plenty of canned food.
NASA tracks alien spaceship
So-called 'artificial asteroid' could have caused a disaster
An object described by NASA as 'artificial' came close to colliding with Planet Earth, say the space agency's top scientists. The craft is now moving away from us, but it's only by sheer luck that the close encounter did not end in disaster.
NASA has admitted that the object could not have been an asteroid. And in a startling later confession, it announced that it believed it to be "artificial" and "a spacecraft".
The object, known by the cover name 'asteroid' 2010 KQ, was tracked by the Near-Earth Object Program, based at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California. This is the organisation tasked by the Government to keep track of alien craft approaching Earth.
In an official statement, suppressed until after the object had passed, NASA announced:
"Observations by astronomer S J Bus, using the NASA-sponsored Infrared Telescope Facility in Mauna Kea, Hawaii, indicate that 2010 KQ's spectral characteristics do not match any of the known asteroid types, and the object's absolute magnitude (28.9) suggests it is only a few meters in size."
However, William H Carpenter, of the Carpenter Foundation for Space Conspiracies, said: "The data about the size is clearly disinformation. Not only could they not track an object that small for so long, why would they even mention it?"
He added: "Clearly our planet came close to destruction at the hands of an alien craft - and now they're telling lies about it."
Without saying how they know, NASA scientists now claim that they expect the spacecraft to return in 2036.
"Clearly, they're trying to put us off the scent," said Carpenter. "I think 2012 is more likely."
Atomic Car Found on Moon!!
Nuclear buggy turns up after being missing for 40 years
An unmanned Russian lunar rover, missing for the past 40 years, has turned up on the Moon - and now we know why it disappeared. It was stolen by aliens.
"It's a problem NASA never talks about," said William H Carpenter, head of the Carpenter Foundation for Galactic Law Enforcement. "People imagine the biggest problems with aliens are abduction and the possibility of interstallar war. But on a day-to-day basis, the real issue is petty theft."
The Soviet-era Lunokhod 1 rover landed on the Moon in 1970. For nearly a year it bumbled about the Mare Imbrium, thanks to its Polonium-210 atomic power pack, sending back information to its Communist masters. Then it disappeared.
Now NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) which is circling the Moon taking snaps of the surface, has found the missing vehicle.
NASA has released fuzzy images it says are the Soviet rover. But inside sources say they have much higher resolution images that are being kept secret.
"The reason is simple," says Carpenter. "The pictures show evidence that the Lunokhod has been adapted for use by aliens. According to my sources, small seats have been added, and the whole vehicle has been given a custom paint job featuring strange symbols."
NASA has so far refused to comment on the rumors. However, it's well known within space circles that theft is a serious problem for rovers and other planetary exploration vehicles. The US, Russia and the UK have all had missions end abruptly when their satellites, probes and buggies have inexplicably vanished - most notably on Mars missions.
Now it seems that the problem started 40 years ago and much closer to home.
Not everyone within the US space agency accepts the theft theory, though.
"I find it hard to believe," said one NASA scientist. "Why would aliens steal some Russki POS like the Lunokhod when, around the same time, our boys on the Apollo 14 and 15 missions were blasting around the lunar surface in American hot rods? I mean, have you seen the Lunokhod?"
Some scientists likened the Lunokhod 1 and its lander craft (right) to a 'flying dustbin'. But Carpenter thinks the aliens may have made a smart choice.
"Aside from the fact that it was unmanned, so the aliens didn't have to bother with abducting anyone, the Lunokhod was actually pretty robust," he said. "And that's what you want when you're driving around the hostile, unforgiving surface of the Moon. The American lunar rovers were much sleeker and better equipped. But you just know that, one week past the warranty period, they'd have broken down."
Extraterrestrials buy home in Earth orbit
Cash-strapped space agency gets good price in timeshare deal
Cash-strapped space agency NASA has sold the International Space Station (ISS) - to a bunch of aliens!
As part of the deal, NASA gets to continue using the orbiting platform for 13 weeks a year until 2030, under a timeshare agreement.
"Although President Obama's recent budget changes have extended the life of the ISS to 2020, we were still looking at some big bills," said Dr Buzz Ablative, a one-time consultant to NASA. "The Space Station is getting old now, and the whole damn thing needs a new coat of paint. And with this money, we can think about adding some additional modules. A conservatory would be nice."
Neither NASA nor the Government would release details of the deal, or who's bought the ISS except to say that they come from a galaxy far, far away.
"Actually, we're not sure where they're from," said a NASA insider who asked not to be named. "Nor are we entirely sure what they want the ISS for. There was some talk about vacations, but they've already submitted plans for adding something called a BSE. I believe that stands for 'Bovine Storage Extension'."
According to the same source, the agreement between the extraterrestrial entities and NASA comes with a number of conditions. "They want us to widen all the hatches and install softer lighting," he said. "But apparently they don't need sleeping facilities."
There is some concern among US astronauts about the aliens' plan to enlarge the medical module on the ISS to three times its current size. "It seems that they need plenty of room for medical procedures of some kind," said Ablative.
He added: "On another note, they've submitted a request for a full list of the 'probes' that the ISS currently carries. I'm not sure what they mean by that."
There are rumours that NASA may have got an even better deal than they first thought. "The aliens have paid for 39 weeks a year until 2030," says the insider, "but they've hinted that they may not need it after 2012."
Ablative said that, following the success of this deal, NASA may be looking at selling other assets. "We may still build the Ares rockets, but sell them straight to the aliens," he said. "We'll obviously get more for them if they're unused. And then there's Houston. They can have the whole of Houston."
This knock-down sale of America's space capabilities is coming in for some criticism, but Ablative is bullish.
"It may seem unpatriotic to sell this stuff to aliens," said Ablative, "but if we don't do it, the Russkies sure will. That's what free markets are about."
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Extraterrestrials stop mutilating cows and start stealing them
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Disaster for British space program as Cheddar payload is abducted by extraterrestrials
Her Majesty's Royal Navy has shot down an alien spacecraft over the city of Liverpool - and already the cover-up has started
Was the infamous Nazi dictator an alien abductee?
Recent UFO sightings may have been caused by extraterrestrial juvenile delinquents, says expert
President and Republican candidate are one and the same - a shape-shifting alien lizard creature, claim Washington insiders
Extras are extraterrestrials in spooky alien movie
"We've been to some dangerous places, but this is ridiculous," says leading extraterrestrial abductor
Little grey men also demand royalties on all reverse-engineered technology
Extraterrestrials in conspiracy with US Government to privatize the atmosphere
Health-conscious ETs steer clear of genetically modified plants
Lucky lizard-like alien hits the jackpot during weekend abduction visit
"What's she got that I ain't?" wails disappointed abductee wannabe