Stylish remote contrpl for hip zombies!!
Apple Computers today unveiled its long-awaited iSlave mind control device. Aimed at law enforcement officers, UN stormtroopers and New World Order henchmen, the handheld unit allows users to take over the actions of nearby citizens while also checking email, tweeting and listening to iTunes.
"Initially, it will work only on long-time Apple users," said a company spokesdrone at the launch. "Until the Government gets going with its large-scale brainwashing and chipping program, we'll have to rely on that portion of the population that's used to doing what it's told."
According to the official announcement, the iSlave runs on a 50MHz ARM CPU chip, and uses RFID technology reversed engineered from the alien craft that crashed at Roswell. Apple claims that the 850g device will run for as much as 30 minutes between charges and can control slaves at distances of up to 5 metres.
The iSlave has a 3in touchscreen allowing the use of mouse gestures to gain fast access to commands such as 'run', 'stop' and 'open fire'.
A number of apps have been announced to coincide with the launch.
Some firms have complained that the apps they submitted for the iSlave have been rejected by Apple. Most of those companies have since disappeared.
One app, HappyClappyApple, which makes owners of Apple products buy everything the company produces, was initially approved but was later withdrawn by the company as being "redundant".
Apple also used the launch event to announce its new iPad tablet computer. Every journalist attending the event bought one.