Society painter Abednego Slipway has confessed to breaking the Internet.
"I really should stick to pencils and crayons," said the painter, interviewed at his bohemian studios in Essex, England. "Every time I get on the computer, something terrible happens."
Millions of frustrated interweb users were cursing yesterday as they failed to make connections to their favorite websites. "This vandalism results in a denial of our basic human rights," said a spokesman from the Virtual Frontier Foundation, an Internet thintank and lobby group. "Just because one person pushes the wrong button, millions are denied access to vital news, healthcare information, illegal downloads and porn."
Slipway claims he has no idea how it happens. "Only last week, I went so far across the Internet that I fell off the end and couldn't get back on."
The situation has become so bad that Slipway has now engaged a 24-hour technical support service to help him when things go wrong. "But I don't really understand what they're saying, so I generally just unplug the Internet and plug it back in again. That usually sorts it."
Slipway, whose blog 'Pushing Paint' is a favourite among those artists who can find it, said he may now try other avenues for expressing his thoughts. "I tried sending my blog updates by letter," he said. "I put the web address on the envelopes but I'm not sure they ever arrived. Of course, I won't know for sure until I can manage to log on to my blog. I haven't seen it for months."
It was while trying to find his blog yesterday that he broke the Internet. "There are simply too many keys on this keyboard and I guess I pressed the wrong one," he said.
Through his agent, Phil Rotsky, Slipway has issued an apology to other users and said that, in future, he will try to restrict his Internet use to off-peak hours.