Woman's Muffy muffed by seraphim
A woman in Nevada claims that rampaging angels molested her sausage dog during a night of unmitigated supernal lust.
"I've always believed in angels and thought they were watching out for me," said the 49 year-old, 300-pound, unemployed canine dental hygienist from Sparks. "Now I'm afraid to take Muffy for a walk in case they come back."
The woman says she was alerted to the angels' presence by the faint strains of a celestial chorus. But all too soon, celestial turned to bestial.
"We were in the back yard, waiting for Muffy to do his business," she said."Then I saw them. They were so small, so cute. I knew at once they were angels sent to bless me. And I could tell they were young, just teenagers really."
But it wasn't the dog dentist the angels had come to bless.
"Suddenly they started flying in a circle around Muffy. I thought that was nice - until they started ... you know, doing things."
The flabby flosser fled inside, ignoring Muffy's yelps of despair.
"I knew what they were doing by the sounds Muffy was making. It was horrible. It went on for hour after hour. I just couldn't bear to watch. I had to imagine what they were up to."
Now she is afraid to go outside. "I watch the skies every evening, just in case."
It's not only the heavenly ravishing itself that has upset the huge hygienist - it's the long-term effects. "I just can't get closure," she says. "I need to sue someone, but who?"