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Religious Bombshell

Bush converts to Islam

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, says veiled president

Bush veiled outside White HouseIn a move that has sent shockwaves throughout the whole of the Washington media corps, US President George W Bush has converted to Islam. Perhaps even more surprising, Bush has chosen to become a muslim woman.

Shortly before converting, Bush underwent a sex-change operation and was known briefly as 'Georgina', before taking his muslim name of Fatima.

Some government insiders say that the change of religion is not as dramatic as it may first seem. "Let's face it," said one Congressman, who hinted he was considering a similar conversion, "he was always out there on the fringes. As an evangelical Christian he felt that people should come around to his way of thinking, at the point of a gun if necessary. And he liked sending people to other countries to blow things up. So he's still as much of a fundamentalist as he always was — he's just swapped Christ for Mohammed, blessed be his name."

There are unconfirmed rumours that Bush's sex-change was prompted by a misunderstanding. According to sources close to the President, Bush was under the impression that muslim men are obliged to become suicide bombers. The same sources say that Bush was "perturbed" by the idea of becoming a martyr and "intimidated" by the prospect of having to manage 72 virgins.

"Apparently, no-one in the Cabinet, White House or intelligence services told him about the vast majority of muslims who live peaceful, fulfilled and worthwhile lives," said the anonymous Congressman. "He thought he'd be forced to become a martyr as a muslim man and that idea seemed to upset him. The CIA have really let him down this time by not providing accurate intelligence. Heads should roll."

Commenting on his decision to wear the burqa, Bush is rumoured to have said, "I'm sick of all those people staring at me all the goddamn time. Reporters, TV crews and that other bunch ... whaddya call 'em? ... oh yeah, the public."

A spokesman for the Democrats said that Bush's sudden conversion would have little impact. "Let's face it, he was a dismal failure as a man and a lousy Christian, so between you and me, I don't think this is any great loss."