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God creates MySpace page

Divine blogger "needs all the friends he can get," claims leading atheist

The word of god - now on MySpace Following Israel's lead, God has launched His own page on MySpace, the social networking site more usually associated with horny teenagers.

"Frankly, I'm not surprised," said Dick Hawkins, a physicist and leading member of The Quantum Church of Fuckknowswhat, a group of ironic atheists. "He needs all the friends He can get."

God's page is currently fairly empty. His MySpace 'friends' consist of Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Tom. However, Hawkins has pointed out that 'Jesus' and 'the Holy Spirit' opened accounts at exactly the same time as God, and some believe they may be God himself logging in under false names in order to appear more popular.

It has been reported that the message 'God is in your extended network' has provoked a rapturous response among some members of US society. However, the reaction has been a little muted because, according to internet experts, most of the people who would be impressed by this statement have already installed adult content filters that prevent access to sites like MySpace.

The new page declares God to be a 6,011 year-old male, living in Zurich, "which clears up a few long-running questions," said a spokesman for the Pope. His 'about me' blurb says that he likes puppies and kittens, enjoys long walks in the country, has never watched Big Brother and hates working weekends. His zodiac sign is Gemini.

God's blog focuses mainly on His 'works', with Him taking credit for tigers, rainbows, sunsets, Angelina Jolie and YouTube. He also rants occasionally about being "bothered by fans who think I've got nothing better to do than sort out their problems". He cites George W Bush as an especial irritant lately.

"Otherwise the blog is mostly the usual 'what I did last night' gibberish," said Hawkins. "It is, however, unique on MySpace in never using the acronym OMG."

His choice of music is also predictable:

"I love anything by Bach, Handel's Messiah of course and I'm very partial to Mozart's Requiem, especially the Dies Irae. Don't care much for rock bands because they don't praise Me enough, except for those so-called Christian bands and, let's face it, they're crap."

There are no photos of God Himself as yet, though He has posted some nice snaps of His cat.

UPDATE: Since going to press, God's page has been removed from MySpace. According to uninformed sources, the owners of MySpace withdrew the account because the username 'god' is already being used by someone within the company.

God was unavailable for comment.